On my way...

dr suess Well, it finally happened.  The day that I have been emotionally avoiding: the farewell to my studio, my friends, and my teacher.

The send off was beautiful, extravagant and full of love.  There was happy hour and lunch and special classes and Kirtan. We danced, laughed, and cried. Students and friends shared their favorite stories involving me.  A few friends secretly constructed a very special scrapbook for me. Some shared intimate memories of how I encouraged them. Letters mentioned how (by chance) I said "just the right thing."  A note recalled how I pushed a student to their limit so that they could see they were, in fact, limitless. Cards reminded me of how much I would be missed...

I am loved.

I feel overwhelmed by the kindness and sincerity.  It is bittersweet.

Over the last 2 weeks, I kept catching myself cling to every word that my teacher, Robin, spoke to me.  I almost felt desperate.  I attempted to sear into my brain every minuscule detail of her classes, our chats, our laughing.  I felt greedily wanting more; afraid that if I didn't soak up enough of her teachings (both on and off the mat) that I would be left in this quiet, lonely space - lost without my teacher.

While I attempted to memorize Robin's words and store them like water for the inevitable desert of desolation I was destined to face once I left Jane's House... I was also telling my own teary eyed students that my departure is nothing - they have everything they need within them, I only held the space for them to see it....

As I sit here in my mother's house before departing to Germany in a week, I have the luxury of time to sift through these complex emotions. I can untangle each and sit with them individually.  Allow Sadness to take its turn without Guilt or Excitement pushing it out of the way.  After they each take a turn, I allow the Excitement of the upcoming adventure to take over... I might even allow Confidence to make a cameo.

I realize now it is time to take my own advice:  Trust my inner guide and teacher.  Believe that Robin has taught me well and continue to walk this path with purpose.  Share my experiences and knowledge with my new students.  Get on my mat and practice every day, no matter what.  Continue to question everything until I find clarity and truth. Act with kindness and move with strength.

But I might just do all of those things with tears in my eyes.  Just for a little.  Afterall, It's hard to say, "see you later."